There are some moments in life when all you really need to do is look more intently at this puzzle called life, and the pieces start to fit. This is one of such moments.
I love reading. It is one of my favorite things to do. It comes easy to me. I could read a thousand-page book within a day and not get bored — or at least, I used to.
However, recently, I picked a book to read, and I couldn’t go past the tenth page. It was a stressful, boring, and totally unenjoyable experience. Rather than sitting back and trying to figure out why that was, I do what most people tend to do when they find out they are no longer as good in what they used to be excellent at — I tried to force it. I would open an e-book and try to make myself read a number of pages within a few hours.
As you might have figured out, it didn’t work. But that didn’t deter me; instead, it fueled the instinct to keep forcing what wasn’t working. But soon enough, a friend made a post that made me sit back and actually think the situation through.
I cannot recall the exact words, but the post was along this line — “it doesn’t matter how many books you read, what matters is the amount of information and knowledge you internalize from reading the books”. This post was the wake-up call I needed.
You see, a lot of times, we go through life conforming to “standards” and stereotypes a lot that there comes a time when we can hardly tell apart what is uniquely us, or what is a societal norm that we just happen to have internalized over time.
I will clock 20 soon. And quite frankly, the thought scares me. I’m stepping into the decade filled with numerous responsibilities — you are expected to get married, have a well-paying job, and make some tremendous achievements in your 20s. Of course, there is no rule that explicitly states that you MUST do these things in your 20s. But then, we get told and see these things over and over again that it is our version of the truth.
We all have ways we deal with situations that scare us. For me, it involves days of getting my nose in all possible books and articles on that situation. And with the overwhelming thought of clocking 20, that was exactly what I did.
My Google search history is filled with search queries like “books you should read before you clock 20”, “all books you must read in your 20s”. These books are a lot. I will be 20 soon, and thus, I find myself with a long list of books to read in such a short period of time.
That realization alone cleared out the situation for me. Usually, reading is something I do for fun, an enjoyable experience, and total pleasure. But with the condition of having to stuff in these books, and the thought of “Ohh, I have to read all these books before I turn 20” lingering in my mind every time I start reading a book, the fun and the enjoyment from reading the said book just sort of fizzles out.
Quite frankly, we mostly go through life conditioning ourselves, staying focused on the end goal and not the process. We really should focus more on just enjoying the process and going with the flow. Life gets easier that way, and honestly, you get more things done.
And that is exactly what I’m doing with my reading journey. I am learning to only mind the book on my hand at the moment and I have been enjoying every single bit of it. I mean, what’s the purpose of reading all those books anyway if, at the end of the day, I can’t point out any valuable way the book has impacted my life?
So, you reading this, I hope you learn to take it easy on yourself, make peace with the fact that you don’t always need to conform to standards, and enjoy the process.
About a week ago, something happened. I said something that wasn’t in any way my intention to rub off the other person in a bad way. However, a friend who witnessed the event transpired messaged me and asserted that what I said was “very rude” and that the person I said it to was not very pleased about it.
I was dumbfounded. Agreed, what I said wasn’t the most pleasant thing, but I didn’t think it was rude too. But then again, “rude” is subjective, isn’t it? Anyways, my friend told me to call the person and apologize, which was exactly what I did.
I called the person, and after a few minutes of me rambling my “apologies”, we ended the call. On ending the call, I recounted the details of the call, and I cringed — actually, I still cringe anytime I recall the call, as I am right now whilst writing this.
As I have recounted the details of the event above, that was how the call went. I spent most part of the call rambling on about what I thought my own version of the event was. It sounded more like I was making excuses for what I did than actually giving the heartfelt apologies the person deserved.
And quite frankly, we do that a lot. A lot of the apologies we give are half-baked recounts of the events — which quite honestly doesn’t do anyone any good.
Forget the facts, focus on the feelings.
When making apologies, there is always the urge to tell your side of the story and highlight the facts; resist the urge. Rather than rambling on about the facts of the events, it is more in the best interest of your relationship with the person to forget about those facts — instead focus on how you feel about that person, how much it would mean to you if you patched the rough edges, and give the heartfelt apology both you and the person deserve.
You on the other side of the screen, I hope you take a moment today to listen to what your heart is telling you, and learn to give more heartfelt apologies than a bunch of excuses.
Love,
Yin.
